WEREWOLF
Anyone might think
That the werewolf of today
Doesn’t care about appearances
Aaaagghrr – the werewolf rushing through the city
No-one stops to talk about his coat
That’s where you’d be wrong – Werewolves are very particular
Fangs must be well brushed, eyes glistening
Gums a juicey scarlet
Nostrils wet and black
Claws sharp as a shark’s tooth
Yellow as a bull’s horn
Clean as a whistle
Eyebrows smooth black crescent moons and
Tongue dripping lots of clear saliva
Aaagghrr – another thing:
People think werewolves must be smelly
Not a bit of it
They was before meals
They are spotless behing the ears
And because they are part French they use a bidet
Another little known fact is that
They shave off unsightly underarm hair and use a deodorant
Aagghrrr – why do they do this?
You wouldn’t want a victim to feel let down, frustrated
At having their throat torn out by a mangy werewolf would you?
Their dying screams of ecstatic terror ruined by revulsion?
Imagine a werewolf with blunt claws and bad breath!
Nausea!!
Dirty nostrils, less than one hundred percent bristly fur!
Laughter!!
Pity!! – Aagghrrr
Now I’m going to eat an architect.
( to audience person)Are you an architect?
“Yes I am as it happens”
(Aaaagghhrrrs and screams)
Arm in Arm
Arm in Arm
What’s that?
Closeness
Holding hands
What’s that?
Contact
magnetism demands it
and we are all electrified
oo-er
Here we are walking down the street
And my son reaches for my hand
I think: how good is this
He’s thirty!
Will people think
dark thoughts?
oo-er
Public hairs and private parts
Smart society finds offensive
so bushy underarms
like Pixie Lott’s
waved at Batman’s premiere
create a shock
oo-er
And what do you think
about the naked hippie
who walked up to Scotland
and got put in prison
Oo-er
They said his old gentleman
should’ve been tucked away
not on display
as the lad
(unclad bar his boots}
overstepped the border
where sensibilities warmed
to all his manliness
except his penis
oo-er
