A poet of surreal performances about furniture, animals, people and the almighty, whose work has been happily received home and abroad, past and present.


Anyone might think

That the werewolf of today

Doesn’t care about appearances

Aaaagghrr – the werewolf rushing through the city

No-one stops to talk about his coat


That’s where you’d be wrong – Werewolves are very particular

Fangs must be well brushed, eyes glistening

Gums a juicey scarlet

Nostrils wet and black

Claws sharp as a shark’s tooth

Yellow as a bull’s horn

Clean as a whistle

Eyebrows smooth black crescent moons and

Tongue dripping lots of clear saliva


Aaagghrr – another thing:

People think werewolves must be smelly

Not a bit of it

They was before meals

They are spotless behing the ears

And because they are part French they use a bidet


Another little known fact is that

They shave off unsightly underarm hair and use a deodorant

Aagghrrr – why do they do this?


You wouldn’t want a victim to feel let down, frustrated

At having their throat torn out by a mangy werewolf would you?

Their dying screams of ecstatic terror ruined by revulsion?

Imagine a werewolf with blunt claws and bad breath!


Dirty nostrils, less than one hundred percent bristly fur!


Pity!! – Aagghrrr


Now I’m going to eat an architect.


( to audience person)Are you an architect?

“Yes I am as it happens”


(Aaaagghhrrrs and screams)


Arm in Arm

Arm in Arm
What’s that?
Holding hands
What’s that?
magnetism demands it
and we are all electrified

Here we are walking down the street
And my son reaches for my hand
I think: how good is this
He’s thirty!
Will people think
dark thoughts?

Public hairs and private parts
Smart society finds offensive
so bushy underarms
like Pixie Lott’s
waved at Batman’s premiere
create a shock

And what do you think
about the naked hippie
who walked up to Scotland
and got put in prison

They said his old gentleman
should’ve been tucked away
not on display
as the lad
(unclad bar his boots}
overstepped the border
where sensibilities warmed
to all his manliness
except his penis